Egypt & Exodus
FUCK YOU, PHARAOH.
WHAT WERE WE THINKING?
Lesson attemptedHave somewhere to go
Lesson learnedNo
Years elapsedForty
Distance coveredEleven days
Progress toward stopping thinking like a JewNone
THE LONG
ARGUMENT
Three thousand years.
Eighteen chapters.
One instruction we keep failing.
CANAAN11 DAYS →
Start in Egypt, follow the wreckage, and watch the same argument survive every empire that thought it had ended it.
FUCK YOU, PHARAOH.
Sinai, Judges, the demand for a king
FUCK YOU, YOUR MAJESTY.
WHEN CAN YOU START?
Lesson attemptedLearn to live without a boss
Lesson learnedNo
Years mostly without a kingTwo hundred
Disputes settled in that timeOne. The stone moved back.
Progress toward stopping thinking like a JewNone
Exile, Cyrus & return
FUCK YOU, BABYLON.
WE TOOK IT WITH US.
Lessons attemptedOne
Lessons learnedNone
Temples destroyed1
Empires changed2
Countries lost1
Arguments lost0
Persian kings unexpectedly anointed1
Persian kings notified beforehand0
Hellenism & the Maccabees
FUCK YOU, ANTIOCHUS.
NOW WE’RE KINGS?
Lessons attemptedOne
Foreign king resistedOne
Temple restoredOne
Holiday createdOne
Dynasty createdOne
Kings acquiredUnfortunately
Steps completed toward not thinking like JewsNone
StatusFree, now with king
Essenes, Qumran & the Dead Sea Scrolls
FUCK YOU, EVERYBODY.
WE’LL BE IN THE CAVE.
Lessons attemptedOne
Lessons learnedNone
Jewish communities founded to escape other JewsOne
Rules writtenToo many
Calendars agreed uponZero
Messiahs requiredTwo
Arguments successfully escapedZero
Jesus, Rome & the Jewish revolts
FUCK YOU, ROME.
ALL OF YOU?
Lesson attemptedStop thinking like a Jew
Lesson learnedNo
Temples remaining0
Revolts against Rome2
Romevictorious
Argumentspreading
Unexpected convertRome
Yavneh, the rabbis, Mishnah & Talmud
FUCK YOU, GOD.
WE TOOK A VOTE.
Commandments inherited613
Commandments readapparently ten
Eggs eatenpending
Humanity approvedno
Divine interventions overruledone
Jews persuadeddon't be ridiculous
Christianity, Islam & the great Jewish export
FUCK YOU, EVERYBODY.
GET YOUR OWN FOREFATHERS.
GODSOne
RELIGIONS CLAIMING HIMThree
FOREFATHERS SECURELY RETAINEDNone
LESSONS LEARNEDFuck all
Crusades, massacres & blood libels
FUCK YOU, CRUSADERS.
WE LIVE HERE.
Lessons learnedNone
Sinful money returnedNone
Royal conscienceExcellent condition
Spain, Inquisition & expulsion
FUCK YOU, FERDINAND.
WHERE ARE WE GOING, PORTUGAL?
Instructions followedstill not sufficient
Lessons learnednone
Houses made portablewith difficulty
Portugaltoo close to Spain
Eastern Europe & 1648
FUCK YOU, COSSACKS.
WE JUST GOT SETTLED.
Lessons attemptedone
Lessons learnednone
Homes abandonedmany
Homes rebuiltmany
Kings requirednone
Committees requiredobviously
Spinoza & the herem
FUCK YOU, AMSTERDAM.
HE’S TWENTY-THREE.
Lesson attemptedEncourage independent thought. Somewhere else
Lesson learnedNo
Thinkers producedOne
Thinkers expelledOne
Distance maintainedFour cubits
Books banned before they existedOne
Pensions negotiated downOne
Placards posted0
KeysOne
Invoices sent to the heirsOne
Progress toward stopping thinking like a JewNone
Sabbatai Zevi & the false-messiah disaster
FUCK YOU, MESSIAH.
YOU’RE MUSLIM NOW?
Temples rebuilt0
Exiles gatheredat Gallipoli, during visiting hours
Turbans1
Houses sold by a man who didn't believe1
Adjectives left inall
Barrelsthree
Dried goods consumedtwo
Faithone barrel left
Emancipation & the Haskalah
FUCK YOU, GHETTO.
WE’RE EUROPEANS NOW.
Locks paid for by us2
Gates opened by Jews0
Gates opened by someone elseall of them
Gates re-closed by the pope who opened them1
Sanhedrins convened by an emperor1
Questions asked12
Question about moneylast
Approved first namesa list
Babies named twice1
Nations remaining, per the Assembly0
Nations remaining, per the Jewsask again
Dreyfus, Herzl & Zionism · November 3
FUCK YOU, FRANCE. APPARENTLY NOT.
STILL THINKING. CHECK BACK.
Pogroms, conspiracy & modern antisemitism · November 10
FUCK YOU, PROTOCOLS. WE DIDN’T WRITE THAT.
STILL THINKING. CHECK BACK.
The Shoah · November 17
NO FUCKING LESSON.
STILL THINKING LIKE JEWS.
NOW WE HAVE JETS.
November 24
Chapters are released as they are written. The schedule can change at any time and without notice. You are buying the complete work, not a delivery date.