EGYPT · MANAGEMENT
Pharaoh
★☆☆☆☆
“Followed every step. Hardened my heart. Increased the workload. They left anyway.”
THE WORLD’S OLDEST SELF-IMPROVEMENT PROJECT
FINALLY HAS A MANUAL.
How to teach Jews to stop thinking like Jews.
Three thousand years of field testing.
Boiled down to 18 simple lessons.
$19.99, includes chat with historical figures
Grab your copy now while it’s still not in print!
HOW TO STOP THINKING LIKE A JEW.
Step One:
Stop thinking like a Jew.
Estimated completion time:
Longer than advertised.
Kings tried.
Empires tried.
Religions tried.
Governments tried.
We had notes.
See how that went.
Buy the book.
FINALLY, A STRUCTURED PROGRAM.
No curriculum.
No supervision.
No measurable progress.
Pharaoh tried.
Rome tried.
Everybody kept improvising.
Now we have jets.
18 lessons. One manual.
Buy it now.
THE RECEIPTS
The robes are real.
The decrees are real.
The catastrophes are real.
So are the arguments.
This is history with the homework removed and the margins written in.
THE RESULT
Three thousand years.
Empires gone.
Temples gone.
Countries gone.
Jews still here.
Still arguing.
Still correcting the number from four hundred to four hundred and thirty.
Progress toward stopping: none.
HISTORY HAD WITNESSES
Now you can bother them personally.
Talk to Moses, Tamar, Pharaoh, Cyrus and the people who got stuck living inside the argument.
Enter the WorldProgress toward stopping
thinking like a Jew
0%None
None. We found an error in the instructions.
REVIEWS FROM PEOPLE WHO WOULD PREFER WE STOP
BABYLON · 6TH CENTURY BCE
Nebuchadnezzar
★★☆☆☆
“Destroyed their Temple. Took them to Babylon. They started writing. Huge mistake.”
PERSIA · 539 BCE
Cyrus the Great
★★★★★
“I stopped trying to change them and sent them home. Best decision of my reign.”
JUDAEA · 26–36 CE
Pontius Pilate
★☆☆☆☆
“I washed my hands of the entire matter. Somehow I’m still in the book.”
READ BEFORE FOLLOWING THE ADVICE
A few pages should be enough to determine whether you want three thousand more years of this.
We asked God for water.
Reasonable.
Four hundred years of slavery. Desert. Two million dry mouths.
A well would have been fine.
We got the Red Sea.
Salt.
Enormous.
Undrinkable.
And not one of us could swim.
Then God split it.
This solved the swimming problem and none of the others.
Two million people walked through the biggest miracle in the history of anything, came out safely on the other side, looked back at the walls of water and said:
“Yes, but can we drink it?”
God had not underdelivered.
He had misunderstood the brief.
Every clause in Jewish law exists because somebody once asked for water and received a body of it the size of a country.
We have been specifying ever since.
Still.
Sparkling.
No ice.
Lemon on the side.
We didn’t need a sea.
We needed a well and a sandwich.
“I’ve never laughed this hard at a history book. Even worse, almost all of it is true.”
—Early reader
FOLLOW THE ARGUMENT
Three thousand years.
Eighteen chapters.
One road.
Start at CANAAN — 11 DAYS and keep going until the meeting reaches the present.
The Long ArgumentBUY THE MANUAL.
IGNORE THE ADVICE.
What unlocks now
- THE LIBRARYEverything currently released for buyers.
- ENTER THE WORLDUnlocked conversations with characters from the book.
- THE DROPSNew chapters and material as they are released.
$19.99One purchase. The whole argument.
Buy Now $19.99Chapters are released as they are written. The schedule can change at any time and without notice. You are buying the complete work, not a delivery date.
When does the book ship?
This book is being written. Chapters are released to buyers as they are finished, and the order and timing of those releases can change at any time and without notice. Dates given anywhere on this site are estimates and are not promises. What you are buying is the complete work when it is finished, together with immediate access to everything released so far. If the schedule slips and you would rather not wait, the refund policy applies.
What do I get today?
Immediate access to the buyer Library, unlocked character conversations, and everything currently released for the book.
The finished digital edition arrives when the entire argument is finished.
We are aware of the irony.
Can I get a refund?
Refund eligibility is governed by the Refund Policy shown at checkout.
Please read it before purchasing.
Unlike Samuel, we would prefer that you examine the terms before saying yes.
Is there a print edition?
A print edition is not included in this digital purchase.
Any future print edition would be offered separately unless the product page specifically says otherwise.
What is the chat?
A limited conversation with figures from the book's world.
Part history.
Part satire.
Part opportunity to ask Moses the question everybody has been sitting on for three thousand years.